I used to feel invincible as a younger, twenty-something single man without children. However, with the birth of my twins through in-vitro fertilization, I now see the fragility of life and often suffer moments of despair whenever my children struggle…
“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
~Elizabeth Stone
So, I have two beautiful seven year old twins, one boy and one girl. I will call my son Mini-A and my daughter Mini-B. My daughter, Mini-B, has a disability called Selective Mutism, commonly referred to as extreme social anxiety and misunderstood by many as a form of shyness. Children with Selective Mutism often don’t exhibit any characteristics of the disability until they begin interacting with other children, usually around the age of two or three. Interestingly, when placed in social or public situations children with Selective Mutism can become completely paralyzed by their social anxiety, to the point that the enveloping social fear prevents them from uttering a single word or even moving a muscle.
REFERENCE:
http://www.selectivemutism.org/faq/faqs/what-is-selective-mutism-sm
We first noticed this social anxiety behavior in Mini-B around the time when she was three years old. My wife had just started participating in social events with our twins, taking them to group play dates with other neighborhood toddlers whose parents she had met at the park or local coffee shop. However, Mini-B had difficulty interacting with the other children in these play dates and would not communicate her intentions with words or body language. Instead, out of frustration, she would often display aggressive behavior and it was not uncommon for me to get a call from my distraught wife telling me how Mini-B had bitten a little girl or boy during a play date.
As the frequency of play dates grew, so did the biting incidents, to the point that Mini-B had acquired the notoriety of being the “Biting Twin”. Mini-B’s cult of personality struck fear in the neighborhood toddler community, many of whom could display the indelible bite marks of my golden haired princess if pressed for evidence. As a result, Mini-B and Mini-A were no longer invited to attend group play dates and the two would spend their days with their mother, playing at home, at the park or visiting with the children of a few trusted friends - playing under the watchful eye of my wife.
At this point, we did not know about Selective Mutism, and so the following year we enrolled Mini-B and Mini-A in a soccer league, hoping a shared activity with her brother would help Mini-B overcome her “shyness”. I remember going to the Saturday morning soccer matches and watching as she stood completely still in the middle of the grassy field, straight as an arrow, as a flurry of orange and black clad clumsy toddlers ran by her, kicking and pushing each other in pursuit of the elusive leather ball…amidst all this, Mini-B remained immobile as a statue.
After the soccer season, we decided that maybe Mini-B just needed to participate in more feminine activities, like Ballet. Unfortunately, the ballet experience proved even more traumatic. During the class, while the other little girls practiced their pirouettes and hopping exercises, Mini-B would get on her knees and slowly crawl towards the glass window in a cat-like manner, refusing to participate. We tried enrolling her in other activities including gym classes, art classes, music classes and summer camps, with little success.
Later, during her pre-school years, we learned of Selective Mutism and began seeking treatment for her disability as soon as she enrolled in kinder garden. Now in first grade, Mini-B has limited interaction with her fellow classmates. She participates in class with the assistance of a state appointed education specialist, who along with regular visits to her psychologist and psychiatrist, help her cope with her disability. My Ex, told me that Mini-B’s psychiatrist prescribed medication for her Selective Mutism last week and today she and I will meet with Mini-B’s psychiatrist to discuss the implications of this decision and how it might help our “Biting Twin”, firmly chomp down and leave her indelible mark on this silent bully.
With age, I have learned to appreciate adages and proverbs that I found silly as a child. Once regarded as merely the impractical phrases my parents, teachers or other authority figures used to gently and verbally chastise me, these same proverbs and adages now follow and comfort me. And like an old friend with whom I have shared a common experience I know the message each brings has meaning in my life.