…And so I’m back to the daily grind, my salvation snubbed, with my inglorious return to earth by those Aliens…They smelled like ass anyway.
Today I submitted my “Third Quarter Accomplishments” for work, a creative writing exercise justifying to my boss why I should still remain gainfully employed. Once upon a time, I would have stressed out about this task, now I don’t try to justify myself, my work or my views to anyone anymore…well, at least not as much as I have done in the past. What changed? I’m not sure. I think a lot has to do with my perspective on life and my evolving definition of what is important. That book by Richard Carlson, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff and Its All Small Stuff” comes to mind. Now, I have never read that book, but it does sound like a good read if you’re into self-help books (which I’m not). Anyway, I do appreciate the premise that “it’s all small stuff” in the end.
So although I do stress out to varying degrees about my mortgage, my growing debt, the emotional stability of my Ex, and the welfare and health of my Kids, my girlfriend’s future, the prosperity of my online business, improving my tennis game, and keeping my day job (to the extent that I appreciate still having one), I also realize that I have limited control over any of these things – okay, except maybe my tennis game. In the past I tried to control every aspect of my life and attempted to live up to the “ideal” that my parents had brainwashed me into believing as normal. My parents, along with those “G” and “PG” rated movies, Mr. Rogers, Sesame Street and Saturday morning cartoons all conspired to fabricate another reality - each an accomplice in the creation of the shiny happy primary-colored facade that I protected for so many years.
I’m not sure when the first crack in that façade occurred, maybe when at the age of eight I first remember hearing my parents argue or maybe when I saw my first dead animal on the road and realized that cute furry things don’t exactly survive the impact of high velocity rubber weighted down by a two ton metal carriage - Looney Tunes characters apparently did not have those much glorified regenerative powers that we were led to believe.
“Small stuff” and the idea that we are so small and insignificant relative to the world around us, comforts me in a strange way. This notion makes me think of the song “Stories of the Street” from one of my favorite song writers, Leonard Cohen. An excerpt, pretty much sums it up:
“With one hand on the hexagram and one hand on the girl…I balance on a wishing well that all men call the world…We are so small between the stars, so large against the sky,
and lost among the subway crowds I try to catch your eye.”
A little bit of faith in myself and my beliefs (the hexagram) and the strength I get from the companionship of my friends and loved ones (the girl) helps me to navigate through the trials and tribulations in this world while attempting to attain my goals and dreams (the wishing well) among the opportunities found in this place (the world). Although in the big picture, I am insignificant (so small between the stars), by recognizing this, I no longer try to change the world around me. Instead I make the best of my insignificance by attempting to positively impact the people closest to me - a matter of perspective (so large against the sky). And so, lost among the throngs of people whom I share this world with, I try to catch the eye of those who might see things in a similar light.
Okay, enough of the hocus pocus. At any rate, my perspective changed, and during the last thirty years I went from idealistic…to pessimistic…to realistic…to optimistic…and so, here I am, not sweating the small stuff, working hard at developing those things and people that matter most to me while giving them the necessary space and time to grow and mature on their own.
