Back in January of 2008, I created a Paper Mache Volcano, another chapter in my quest to pique Mini-A and Mini-B’s imagination and generate an interest in the world around them - away from toys and video games. I hoped to engage their minds with a tangible experience that would teach them something new in a fun way. Upon completing the project they quickly integrated this volcano into their imaginary world of plastic dinosaurs and action figures and shared it with their friends. And yes, I have fun.

Anyway, this is how I made our Paper Mache Volcano:

Materials:

• 1 square of cardboard: approx. 25 inches by 25 inches
• 4 triangular pieces of cardboard. The base of each triangle should be about 10 inches wide and each side should be about 15 inches long
• 1 plastic bottle: approx 8 inches tall
• Strips of newspaper: approximately 1.5 inches wide
• Newspapers
• Masking tape
• Plaster Strips
• 1 big bowl
• Flour and water
• Brown, green, and red paint
• Green moss
• baking soda
• vinegar
• food coloring

Directions:

1. Place the bottle in the center of the cardboard
2. Create the volcano skeleton framework: cut four triangular sections (the base should be about 10 inches wide and each side should be about 15 inches long) of cardboard and attach them to each side of the bottle in a fluted way by taping the 10 inch base each triangular cardboard section to the cardboard base. The point on the other side of each triangular cardboard section should meet at the top of the plastic bottle, just under the “lip” of the bottle. Crumble up a bunch of newspapers into balls and fill the volcano skeleton’s framework to give its frame some form. Tape the newspapers to the framework, this will add texture and shape to the volcano.
3. Run strips of masking tape from the top of the bottle to various points near the edge of the cardboard to secure the bottle in place. Try to make them equidistant from the bottle
4. Dip strips of the newspaper into the mixture.
5. Run it between 2 fingers to take off any excess mixture. Drape the strips between the masking tape strips.
6. Once the entire volcano skeleton framework has been covered, let it dry over night.

When you wake up in the morning, you will be impressed by your handi-work, but, alas, your task is not over. Though you have seemingly built a mountain out of nothing, you are still a mortal in your kids’ eyes, okay, maybe you’ve attained “hero” status at this point - they can see your vision of the perfect volcano…it’s just not painted yet, and we all know, that kids love colors, and colors add dimension and texture to your work.

So, it’s very important to paint the volcano as realistically as possible (no primary colors - try using “Fall” colors) remember, you need to make this volcano cooler than any toy they will possibly ever buy, it’s you against Toys R’ Us. If you win, your kids will want to make more projects with you and you will enjoy old fashioned substantive quality time with your babies and establish an ever lasting bond with them…if you lose, you will end up spending a lot of money on potentially defective and hazardous plastic toys made in China.

Okay, so now, let’s paint the completed volcano. Add the paint in layers and imagine a jungle vegetation on a black rock volcano. Add the greens first, the browns next, and then blend the paints to make it look realistic, the transition of the paints should be subtle. Now, you can follow up with the finishing touch the red lava. In the end the red lava should contrast starkly with the more natural and mundane looking vegetation you painted earlier. Add green moss along the base of the volcano.

Add color highlights to further blend colors and create the illusion of topical variations in soil on the volcano. Congratulations - 48 hours later, you have a nice looking paper mache volcano. Sit back take a photo and enjoy the moment - because it won’t look this nice after the kids get their hands on it. Alas - you can now name your volcano and hand it over to the little people…Mt. Bondwithdada…thought to be dormant…until recent seismic activity indicated that it would soon erupt….

Erupt the volcano: Place four tablespoons of baking soda into the plastic bottle, then add 1 cup of vinegar to the bottle, the volcano should begin “erupting” within seconds. January 22, 2008 - Mt. Bondwithdada violently erupts. Volcano eruption in soaking tub…makes it a lot easier to clean up afterwards. Mini-A and Mini-B, standing in hallway - scared that eruption will destroy their home along with their toys and art supplies - and perhaps maim their intrepid Father. Mini-A: “Daddy - maybe you should ask Mommy for permission first”.

Eruption number two…
Mini-B: “Dad-da, I thought it was going to throw lava all over the room”.
Me: “No babe, this is just a demonstration in a controlled environment, no harm will come to your mind or body and your toys will be safe too”.
*Adding way too much vinegar and baking soda*

Eruption number three….disappointment sets in.
Mini-A: “Dad, can I go on the dot.com and play “Echo-Raiders”.
Me: “Um, okay - let’s try to get to level ten this time”.

I always wonder whether I should draw a line between my desire for perfect order and the chaos that dominates the reality I share with others. The Ying and Yang of this relationship often manifests itself when I am placed in situations involving second parties whom I cannot control. When and where should you draw the line? I guess it’s true what they say: “You must pick and choose your battles”.

So, I have this colleague, a very nice Vietnamese lady who speaks English with a thick accent - she rolls her R’s with a “w” and drops the S’s on plural words and wanders around the office trolling for supplies and other knick knacks. Despite her pleasant appearance and personality, she has trouble expressing and understanding English and it tests my patience whenever I need to explain a programming concept or algorithm to her. If Time is my devil and my nemesis, I imagine that the English language is hers. And so, I sense we must limit our interaction to ten minute intervals in order to keep both of our devils at bay…any more than that and the frustration would reach a boiling point.

We have sat in the same cubicles, about five yards apart from each other for the last eight years. The stark contrast in our work styles and the physical appearance of our cubicles accurately reflect the present state of our lives. She maintains a crispy clean alter to her ten year old little girl, festooned with hand painted childhood scenes and photographs of her idealistic family life. She also has a tendency to covet personal effects and to take possession of discarded cardboard boxes or other office supplies and maintains a growing collection of pens, staplers and other obscure things.

I keep my desk pretty much like a pig sty. The growing stack of work and personal documents tattooed with coffee cup rings haphazardly intermix with paper napkins, random toothpicks and sticky notes that I have accumulated since 1998. Within this menagerie of office paraphernalia I have only two writing instruments - two pens, one with black ink and one with red ink. These two pens I have had in my possession for the last eight years. One of these solitary pens has a detachable cap…a red cap, with a tapered sharp edge. One cannot easily find this particular style of pen cap in our office supply cabinet.

On the most recent “Please help me with this” request from my colleague, I found myself doing her work at my desk while she sat next to me and pointed at the screen (touching my screen) using the red pen cap she had casually picked up from my desk.

COLLEAGUE: “Now, it say ‘working closely with the leadership teams of the former’…w-o-r-k-i-n-g…c-l-o-s-e-l-y…”

ME: (typing) “Please, I can type faster if you don’t spell or say the words while I type”.

Over the years, I have developed certain routines in every aspect of my life and it just so happens that this little red pen cap has become an important part of my ear cleaning routine (works much better than a Q-Tip). So, you can imagine my ire when my colleague walked off with my red pen cap. God only knows what sort of designs she had for my little red pen cap, maybe her daughter needed it for some school project; maybe she had a red pen at home without a cap; maybe she wanted to add to her growing collection of pen caps; but, maybe, just maybe, she had gotten wise to the superior cleaning properties that pen caps enjoy over Q-Tips and she planned to use the little red pen cap for her own ear cleaning needs…I had to act.

I gave her an hour to see the error in her ways and an opportunity for redemption, but, alas this did not happen. And so, I found myself approaching her regarding the little red pen cap before she could taint it with her ear and she returned it without incident. For some reason, I chose to “fight this battle” over such a silly little thing. Why? Have I worked here too long and am I set in my habits? Perhaps, I needed to defend an encroachment on my personal space, or maybe, I simply just did not want to go through the time and hassle of finding another “little pen cap”, after all, I have other more pressing issues to fight for against Time.